Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize