Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
