Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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