Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
