I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize