You're completely useless in the revolution.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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