You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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