This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
