miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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