Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
