I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
