I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
