all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
