I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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