you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
