Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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