Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
