They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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