Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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