My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
