it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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