My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
