So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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