I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
