I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
