Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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