I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
