How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize