Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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