Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
