im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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