Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
