I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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