3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
