so explain again why im purple
no
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
