just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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