If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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