Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
