I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
