i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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