yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
