I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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