Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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