i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize