I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
