I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
