there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
