the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
