He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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