and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
