The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
