we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
