i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have already put on my inside pants.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize