so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize