I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
