Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
