i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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