it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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