Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
