Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
