I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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