So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize