So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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