idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My bed smells like the plague
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
