He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
