I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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