so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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