Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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