She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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